Current:Home > ContactTikTokers swear the bird test can reveal if a relationship will last. Psychologists agree. -EquityExchange
TikTokers swear the bird test can reveal if a relationship will last. Psychologists agree.
View
Date:2025-04-14 16:13:19
TikTokers say they've discovered the secret to predicting whether a couple will last or eventually breakup − and psychologists say they're actually onto something.
It's called the bird test, and it's the subject of research conducted by psychologist John Gottman of The Gottman Institute, an organization dedicated to investigating the psychology of relationships. Videos tagged #birdtest have accumulated more than 16 million views with users testing the theory on their significant others.
The test involves getting excited about something insignificant and seeing how your partner reacts. For instance, if you look out the window and exclaim, "Wow, that's a beautiful bird," does your partner look to see what you're interested in or do they ignore it and go about their business? Or worse: Do they lash out and dismiss your enthusiasm entirely?
Repeated reactions that involve ignoring or flat-out rejecting your attempts to connect, even over something small like a bird, doesn't bode well for the future of the relationship, the bird test posits.
Gary Brown, a licensed marriage and family therapist, says there's a lot of truth to it.
"The beauty of the bird test is, basically ... it's a bid to ask whoever you're with to turn towards you and engage with you and show interest in something that you're interested in, versus what (Gottman) calls turning away," he says.
Is the bird test reliable?
The purpose of the bird test is to see how often your partner picks up on bids you offer them in your relationship. Brown describes a bid as "a request to engage and to connect with the other, no matter what the topic is," such as an invitation to look at a bird.
In his research, Gottman found couples who stayed together and reported feeling happy in their relationships turned toward each other about 86% of the time when presented a bid from their partner. Couples who broke up or felt unhappy in their relationships turned toward each other only about 33% of the time, according to The Gottman Institute's website.
David and Victoria Beckhamand how to (maybe) tell if your partner is in love with you
Bids may seem small, but they happen frequently, so it's important not to ignore them.
"Throughout the day, we're often making these bids right?" licensed psychotherapist Marni Feuerman says. "It's not unusual to say, 'Hey, do you want to have dinner now? Do you want to go on a walk? Oh, look at this cool Netflix show.' How is your partner responding and reacting?"
Several TikTokers have put their partners to the bird test, including former "Bachelorette" star Michelle Young, who practically jumped for joy when her significant other stopped to look out the window when she said she saw a cardinal. Gottman himself has endorsed the trend on TikTok as well.
What if the bird test goes wrong?
Don't panic if your partner fails a bird test.
Brown says that, if you're going to employ the bird test, make sure it's not during a time when your partner is occupied.
"If you're in a relationship and you are wanting to look at a bird, but it's the seventh game of the World Series for your partner, and your partner may say, 'I can't turn towards you now,' ... that doesn't mean that the relationship is doomed," Brown says.
Also, it's more important to see how your partner responds to you over time, so don't write them off if they fail a single bird test.
"Make those bids a few times over the course of a couple days," Feuerman says. "Look for the pattern. So, if consistently the partner ignores, doesn't respond, the bid isn't tuned into, then yes, I would say someone could reasonably discern 'I might have an issue here' or there might be a problem."
And if there is an issue, talk it out − and keep in mind no one is going to pass the bird test every time.
"People are going to miss bids on occasion, and so it's not about people getting worried or panicked that they're missing some, because you will. We all will," Feuerman says. "We're human."
veryGood! (84)
Related
- Taylor Swift Eras Archive site launches on singer's 35th birthday. What is it?
- Russia spy chief calls military pilot who defected to Ukraine a moral corpse after reported murder in Spain
- FuboTV files lawsuit against ESPN, Fox, Warner Bros. and Hulu over joint streaming service
- Dartmouth College to honor memory of football coach Teevens with celebration, athletic complex name
- The FTC says 'gamified' online job scams by WhatsApp and text on the rise. What to know.
- Tom Sandoval apologizes for comparing 'Vanderpump Rules' scandal to O.J. Simpson, George Floyd
- Charlie Woods, Tiger's son, to compete in qualifier for PGA Tour's Cognizant Classic
- Love her or hate her, what kind of Caitlin Clark fan are you? Take our quiz to find out.
- Head of the Federal Aviation Administration to resign, allowing Trump to pick his successor
- MLS opening week schedule: Messi, Inter Miami kick off 2024 season vs. Real Salt Lake
Ranking
- In ‘Nickel Boys,’ striving for a new way to see
- Wendy Williams’ Family Speaks Out Amid Her Health and Addiction Struggles
- Summer House's Carl Radke Addresses Drug Accusation Made by Ex Lindsay Hubbard
- Tony Ganios, 'Porky's' and 'The Wanderers' actor, dies at 64 of heart failure: Reports
- This was the average Social Security benefit in 2004, and here's what it is now
- Drug-running ring used drones to deliver product inside federal prison: Reports
- Prince William wants to see end to Israel-Hamas war 'as soon as possible'
- Seattle police officer who struck and killed graduate student from India won’t face felony charges
Recommendation
Most popular books of the week: See what topped USA TODAY's bestselling books list
A sand hole collapse in Florida killed a child. Such deaths occur several times a year in the US
'Ordinary Angels' star Hilary Swank says she slept in car with her mom before her Hollywood stardom
Kentucky Senate supports constitutional change to restrict end-of-term gubernatorial pardon powers
Skins Game to make return to Thanksgiving week with a modern look
Alabama's Supreme Court rules frozen embryos are 'children' under state law
Federal Reserve minutes: Officials worried that progress on inflation could stall in coming months
Wendy Williams’ Family Speaks Out Amid Her Health and Addiction Struggles